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Physical touch/intimacy should correspond with commitment. This doesn’t mean anything goes if you are engaged. What is your motivation -- power and control, gratifying your own ego, meeting a selfish need, or genuine affection? If you feel convicted of certain behaviors, stop doing them.

Right after breaking up with James, I wrote in the “Things I’m Looking For” section of my OKCupid profile: “I’m interested in finding someone who is actively pursuing God and lives out their Christianity in practical, meaningful ways.” Now, the statement has been watered down to: “I’m interested in dating a Christian dude.” I don’t know yet if my commitment to finding someone who shares my faith is setting me up for loneliness in the long run, but I do know this: Love requires us to lay out our insecurities as offerings, unsure whether they’ll be accepted or rejected.And then I break it off with him by telling him I’m looking for a partner who shares my faith, or he saves me the trouble by getting weirded out and losing interest. Another co-worker had already asked me out, and I didn’t feel like I could manage two work flings at once.I graduated from college in 2010, when chances for employment of any kind were slim. Still, he kept inviting me to lunch, and sometimes, I accepted.It would’ve been nice if my newfound self-awareness had produced a boyfriend who carried a gold-edged Bible in his backpack and had abs that caused Mary to weep all over again, but in reality, it drastically reduced the pool of eligible men.And that already limited supply is actually even smaller than it seems, because there are a lot of men — like Vinnie the cop — who list Christianity as their religion on dating apps, but only mean it vaguely.

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